What moving to a city where I have no family and a few friends has taught me about me. I’m brave. I’m resilient. I’m obedient. I’m strong. I’m secure. I’m confident. I’m clear. I’m blessed.
I had been contemplating my move for quite some time. My initial decision was Phoenix, but I changed my mind just months before my move. I previously lived in Dallas and always wanted to return. A change, new environment, new experiences and new people were in the cards for me. Early September 2, 2016 I got in my piled up Volkswagen and drove 10 hours to my new city. My home city St. Louis was and will always remain HOME. However, the time came that I had to transition because I was growing, stretching and yearning more. I have learned so much about myself and others during this transition. I have a friend in Dallas that had my back and supported me as I made the transition and who I’ve been friends with for over 20 years. Her support and friendship is comprised of what I believe of in friendships. I have grasped the understanding of keeping expectations for myself ONLY and maybe a few for my son. LOL. I encourage you to also release others of your expectations. Be clear about how you want to be treated and expect nothing less, but stop having thoughts and beliefs in your mind that others should know and do because they rest in your mind. (sidetracked advice – now back to the journey :-)).
Being single and even when I’ve felt the desire to be in a relationship in the past two years with the two people that I considered – it didn’t last long…very fleeting moments and I appreciate the sense of clarity I have now. Not settling. Not compromising on the really important things. Not lonely enough. Not desperate enough. Not incomplete. So I date and enjoy it with no expectations other than respect and honesty. I enjoy great conversations, people from an array of diverse backgrounds and I’m patient. In the past, I got into a relationship that quickly turned serious, a few of them turned into marriages. 🙂 Since being here I have met new people, however, I chose to spend a lot of time alone. It is hard to trust new people, although I am naturally a social butterfly – I am more aware and intuitive (my sister Shalonda would tell you “everyone is your friend sis till they tick you off then you calling me!” I’m better now sis. LOL. I went to the movies, dinner and events alone in St. Louis, but I didn’t have to, it was a choice. And although I’ve obtained a few great friendships here I have literally spent the most time in my life alone in this past year. I miss my friends and family in St. Louis and was fortunate enough to go home to visit often this past year (6 times to be exact, maybe 7 LOL). I’m different now. It started before I turned 40, but it is hard to describe. I’ll just say this. I truly don’t care about other people’s judgments, opinions, and/or thoughts about what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. The best experiences have been learning and figuring it out. I have leaped, jumped, went in blind with shaky knees at times, but I’ve not allowed fear, rejection or people stop me. Recently, I was writing in my accomplishments journal where I write out my wins for the day. I decided to write out every single accomplishment I could recall. I burst into tears as I wrote. My hands started to shake. My body trembled. It was an extremely emotional moment for me. I had accomplished so much more than I could’ve ever imagined. I realized a few of the major accomplishments like: getting through college while raising my son, starting my non-profit, writing books, speaking to various groups of people, teaching, starting a business, not allowing depression to take me out, serving others, being authentically me, making mistakes but getting back up, traveling more, reading more, writing more and to sum it all up….I beat to the sound of the sway in my thighs, the quiver in my belly, the remembrance of the sound of my uncle’s voice telling me I better not tilt or drop my crown. Be comfortable in your skin. Don’t conform. Don’t get caught and wrapped up in that tiny little box. When I hear his voice, I adjust accordingly and raise my head.
I won’t be coming home as often as I did the first year, but you are welcome to come visit me. 🙂 (some of you that is…LOL). I won’t be answering or returning periodic calls of “noseyness” and “fake concern” and people asking “let me pick your brain questions.” The only ones offended by this are the ones that have abused this and/or planned to. Know your worth! Stay Woke! 😉
I am enthusiastic to go into this second year in Dallas, open to great, authentic and new business relationships and friendships. I am thankful for the relationships I’ve established and I look forward to what’s next. I’ve done a few things that have made Me proud of Me. This is definitely one of them. I didn’t give up! I opened myself up to new experiences, new people, new environment, new and different cultures and new encounters. I did this all while growing my business, wrote another book and co-authored on two other projects, traveled and created new and fond memories. I did a lot to be proud of. I turned 40 last year, published my first book, moved to a new city alone, explored alone and ventured on many solo highway trips. This alone thing was very different for me. Since I’ve been an adult I always had my son. After my son left for college, I had a husband. After my divorce I had my family and friends. When I came here I faced – ALONE. It hasn’t been a bad ALONE. I’ve met new people, but I’ve spent more time alone than I ever have.
I miss my family and friends a great deal some days! To my GARDEN (they know who they are) I am so proud of each of you. You continue to flourish and grow! I have a new nephew and he’s cute and spoiled. My Bryon is in the 8th grade now. My niece is a senior. My mom is settled in Memphis and enjoying it (she moved 3 months before me). My son got a promotion at his job in L.A. and his first car 🙂 We are all moving and transcending. In fact, I am doing a few different things here with a few things brewing. I won’t be doing much one on one life coaching anymore, but I will have some great online workshops available in a new coaching program I will be launching at the end of the year/beginning of 2018. I will still be using my gifts. I have not given up on them and won’t give up on them. I’m happy y’all. I have peace. I am clear. I am enjoying life. I don’t compare myself to anyone and would hope you don’t compare yourself to anyone else. We all have our specific path and journey. No need to know the why, how, who, what and when to everything. I am pretty transparent. I share a lot. If I haven’t shared it with you voluntarily – assume you aren’t privy to it. Respect people’s boundaries. Social media has increased peoples interest because there is so much sharing, like, love, haha, angry, follow, inbox, direct message buttons that we lose a sense of reality. I don’t share a 1/4 of my life on social media, but it is more than what you would know without it and some feel entitled to know it ALL because it appears as though a lot is shared. When I got married previously, social media wasn’t privy to the fact I was dating. When I reach certain milestones I may share and I may not. It’s more to empower and inspire others when I share not brag or boast. I know this has been effective because I have messages and calls from people saying you’ve inspired me to do….. My goal is to continue doing that for those receptive to it.
To purchase copies of my books until Monday, September 4, 2017 at $15 with free shipping and $5 going to assist Hurricane Harvey victims here is the link. I hope you consider gifting a few copies especially at this price and for the cause.
If after Monday feel free to visit my website keyascoaching.com
If you are interested in volunteering or learning more about my non-profit visit my site and then shoot me an email empower2be.com
Finally, follow me on youtube for any videos I shareyoutube.com/channel/UCYqngSd8wSE_Wype6tODCxg
I appreciate all the support, love and encouragement for those who have believed in me and still do. I love you and wish you each success!
In closing, I know a few others that have made a similar solo move and it is indeed a journey! Happy one year to me and I encourage you to keep journeying!! Our journeys may differ, but stay the course!! On to the next journey for me. The last journey/chapter lies within the tresses of my locs that are now gone, but the memories remain.